What lies ahead ...

2008 is here. I'm 38 minutes into the new year and I am here wondering what lies ahead. Each year I make resolutions. I never seem to keep them - in part because I don't always remember what I resolve and in part because what I do remember seems to ambitious for this mother of four to accomplish. As each year comes to a close, I always feel a bit sad thinking about the days gone by and all that I have not been able to do. I always feel sad that I don't readily think of all I was able to do. It seems that as each day went by I somehow did not measure up to some loftier goals I had set - whether consciously or unconsciously. And yet, as I wonder what lies ahead for 2008, I do realize that 2007 was a year defined by moments that changed my life in ways that I have yet to understand, and moments that are defined by clarity.

Lucas John was born in May. His ability to go with the flow of this crazy family with a smile and laid back attitude along with his infectious laugh reminds me of how precious time is and that maybe I need to spend less time worrying about the "flow" and more time just going with it. Matthew started kindergarten and suddenly changed from my baby to this amazing little boy. As I watch him trying to navigate his new life, I am reminded how hard it is to accept changes in life, especially when you don't have the opportunity to make a different choice. Only once did Matthew ask to stay at Happi House - the "school" he grew up in since he was 6 weeks old. Emme has embraced her creative energy and girlish ways. She spends each day trying to find her place within a household of three brothers. She accessories herself with bracelets and necklaces and I remember my Yiayia Evangeline and her love of jewelry. Emme reminds me that the past always finds a way to live on in the present. Nicholas is coming into his own as he begins to understands how his actions and his words have consequences. It is a lesson that is always difficult to learn and one which many of us seem to be taught over and over again. As I watch my children grow, engage, and love each other I wonder what lies ahead for them - in this world in which we so desperately fight for peace while we become immune to its absence.

For me, I have decided to take another stab at resolutions to help me define in part what lies ahead. So - for me - in 2008, I have decided to gain weight, become less organized, and read less, but work more. And as 2009 rolls in, I can sit here writing and be happy that I yet again, was not able to keep a resolution.