Lucas is one today. It seems like I blinked and a whole year of his life has passed. I remember so well the day he was born - how I was up most of the night before watching reruns of NYPD Blue, never imagining that I was in labor. How I casually woke my parents, who had driven down in anticipation of Lucas' arrival, to let them know we were on the way to the hospital. How we slowly, but deliberately walked into the ER to wait to be escorted to Labor and Delivery. I remember thinking that because this was my fourth time in labor, that I somehow needed to make it seem unimportant or ordinary. As if somehow I was a seasoned mother and as a result, I didn't need to make a scene or be worried about the deliver. Instead, I needed to just act as if this perfectly normal for me. The truth was - it was normal for me - labor was labor - I knew what to expect, I knew the protocol, I knew that labor could take a whole day or it could take two hours - so really -it was a normal time for me. And today, as I watched Lucas analyzing his cupcake that we managed to bring to the daycare - squeezing in a small party for him and his classmates - I realized that this whole entire year I've made his life normal - and yet it has been anything but normal.
Lucas' life - all life - is extraordinary - especially when we think about the first year of our life. Although we remember very little of the first 365 days of our lives - they are the most pivotal parts of our existence. We measure our abilities in milestones - rolling over, sitting up, sleeping through the night, holding your own bottle, first words, first steps - all combine to make us able to thrive in a our world. The normalcy of life is so dependent on so many firsts and yet for me, I let a whole year go by and neglected to truly appreciate how impressive it is for my son, my Lucas, to be able to laugh, to smile, to eat solid foods, to play paddy cake with Yiayia, to give me his first kiss ... and to be the first to let me know that my heart is big enough to love four children equally and uniquely.
This year has been a magnificent year for my Lucas - despite my attempts at normalizing the world around him and me - Lucas made extraordinary accomplishments without wanting any fanfare or praise. Tonight as I write this, I reflect on the two hours I sat yesterday in my faculty / staff college award meeting as I was forced to clap for the accomplishments of my colleagues. I wonder how it is that as adults we find that we need these public displays of recognition, but as children we take more monumental moments in stride. I wonder if these same individuals would sit for two hours and clap as I told them all that my 1 year old son had done this past year. I wonder how they would think it measured up against their efforts. All too often our egos prevent us from understanding how the simplest of things make the greatest impact. How no matter what we accomplish in our life, it all begins with one small step, and a huge amount of fearlessness. No matter what we do in life, there comes a time when we must let go and move forward without the safety of something to fall back on - and as we begin to see that we can stand on our own - we begin to see the world in a whole new way. I think we all should be recognized not for what we have accomplished, but for the fact that we are willing to keep taking a step forward - even a small step, and especially when sometimes we are unsure of our footing.
So today, as you took your first uncertain step - I say - Happy Birthday, my fearless one ... be brave and be bold all the days of your life.
Happy Birthday, my dear Lucas ...
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