Happy Birthday to You

The house is quiet tonight. The kids, thanks to daylight savings time, fell asleep early. Matthew and Nicholas in bed with their Dad, Emme on the floor draped in her princess blanket. Lucas in my arms. It was our night to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition together. And as I was breathing in the peace that had filled our home, my eyes gazed upon my baby - no, not Lucas - my first born, my Matthew. He's six today. It is his birthday. And as Dr. Suess tells us, it's your day of all days - shout loud I am I, I begin to wonder how it happened that my baby has suddenly become a little boy. He's tall. He's thin. He's bright. He's sweet. He is my heart that breaks with his sensitive looks and the smile that fills my soul when I listen to him in amazement tell me about the world. My eyes dance between my 6 month old and my 6 year old and I wonder how is that my Matthew can now read and write and do math and laugh and cry and run races and hug and be a little person. How is it that we learn so much as we grow and yet as adults it seems that we still have so much to learn. And yet, what we can learn is all around us - but we fail to take advantage of what the world - what our children - can teach us.

Eight six year old boys were over yesterday to help celebrate Matthew's birthday. They were going to spend the afternoon with us as we played a video game tournament. About 20 minutes into the party, it was clear I had made a mistake. Three hours with 8 boys - who were into everything and into nothing. There were those boys who wanted to learn to race on the Playstation and those who wanted to explore the house and those who just wanted to catapult themselves over the sofa. And as voices were raised, amidst the chaos of the party - I realized that the boys were having fun. We went outside and we raced - we ran - we laughed - we played ball tag. We ate cake, we open presents which each one being "just what [Matthew] wanted" - each boy so proud of the gift he brought and how well he knew what Matthew would like. There were boys from his new Kindergarten class, and some from his former preschool, and then there were new friends from the neighborhood -- all laughing and running and just being who they are as five and six year old boys. Although at first, my husband and I thought the party was disastrous - they weren't doing what we planned - I suddenly realized - that life comes without a plan. Life is what happens in between the plans that we make. These boys seem to know this better than most adults and what we view as "difficult" behavior is really the challenge we all face in trying to find our place in the world.

I watched my Matthew - my first born - as he floated among all his friends - envious of his ability to be who he was among all the distinctive personalities. He didn't change who he was - instead his personality just added a harmony to the chorus of voices that were filling our home and our backyard. There were some tears, as to be expected with so many young children - feelings got hurt, wasps sting when you pick them up, races were not always won like they wanted. But at the end of the party - the kids were still friends. It didn't matter what had happened at any point during the party - what mattered was the moment at hand. They were real in their moment. And as Jaxson was walking out the door he turned and gave Matthew the biggest hug I've seen two six year olds give each other -- and then half way down the walkway he turns and yells "see ya Monday" - and Matthew gives him his patented two finger wave back. At that moment, I realized that we are all just longing for those days -- those Mondays - when we are surrounded by those who know us and love us for who we are -- the hugger, the wasp catcher, the race winner ... for those gifts that are not wrapped but given so freely each day to each other when we are young.

Happy Birthday to You, my dear Matthew ....